THE URGE FOR A CHILD AND REPRODUCTION

The Urge for a Child and Reproduction

(2004: Published in the KTM Post)

(2002-2004: The author was a Researcher at the National University of Singapore)

The desire to have your seed grow into a human exists in every man and woman. The reproduction thirst, which is the most fundamental biological urge of living creatures, rises in each one of us at the due season of our life and is not easily quenched. The longing for a child is perhaps the most powerful human desire and the most beautiful dream anyone can have in life and when this dream of reproduction is threatened, then everything else in life could go shattered. Nothing in life can be more discouraging than the factors that lead to the unfulfilment of this dream, and nothing in life can be more devastating than the realization that you may have problem in reproducing, which may not let you accomplish the desire of being the parents of your child. Reproduction is that crucial element of life, which not only gives you continuity and immortality through the survival of your genes, but is also the greatest source of human dream, hope, happiness and life. Whatever heights you may attain in your professional life, whatever peak of prosperity you may touch in your business, however successful you may be in other fields of life, your life cycle is never complete to the fullest without going through the crucial phenomenon of reproduction. The aspiration to have children is deeply rooted in human psychology. The desire to hold your child, to embrace, to love the child and receive love in return remains a burning desire in the heart of every woman, as she reaches her reproductive age, whether she is married or not. This joy cannot be compensated by any amount of other varieties of richness or materials gains in life. “Be fruitful and multiply” is the culture our civilization has been teaching us. This is by any means the purpose of life for any married man and woman, a natural desire and responsibility to create a visible symbol of their love for each other, which gives continuity to their life. To have a child is the reproductive right of every woman. Just as the right to love and live, the right to reproduce and to fulfill the responsibility as a mother is an inevitable natural phenomenon. Reproduction is perhaps the most meaningful act of our existence; it is an urge, so powerful and universal, which has welled up from our most ancient age. A child being added to your life is such a joyous event, no matter how that child arrives. Having the longing for a child being threatened is not a minor issue in life. Having their own baby seems so easy for the fertile world, something taken for granted. But for those who cannot fulfill this goal easily and have to go through a series of mourning and grieves, it could create a life-time crisis. It may sound superficial for those who have not gone through such phase of life, as they tend to think that there are other issues in life which are more important, earning fame and being more prosperous in material life. For such a world getting conceived and delivering a baby is merely any issue; growing up children, getting them educated, cultivating good habits in them, striving in securing future is all about their real challenges. The fertile world would never realize that just getting conceived and sustaining the pregnancy to full term could be a nightmare and the most critical phase of life for those couple who are struggling for it. They would tend to think that even if someone has to go for fertility treatment, that would just be solved by getting some capsules or tablets, once and for ever. God has not given enough wisdom to fertile people to understand the complexity of the fertility problem. Despite enormous technological, financial, emotional and psychological involvement, and despite the fact that such treatment could take years of concentrated effort and devotion, there is no guarantee to achieving the desired results. Failures after failures, and partial success followed by failures could prove to be disastrous. On top of all these odds, fertile world does not have the ability to understand the dimension of the problem, it would be too much to expect even a plain sympathy from such a world. Compulsion of those facing reproducing problem to remain isolated from such so-called civilization is understandable. In a desperate attempt to have a child, infertile couple would not hesitate to empty their lifetime earning, possessions and belongings and even to borrow and beg, so that they could continue fertility treatment. They would not even hesitate to risk their own life while undergoing through a series of fertility treatment to fulfill their desire of having a child. A child achieved after undergoing through such fertility treatment is considered, without any doubt, as the most precious achievement of their life. The urge for a child dwells even in single women. Today, many women remain single throughout their life, may it be due to their own choice, or due to some sort of compulsions such as not willing to compromise their career, not finding a suitable partner, etc. and other various circumstances in life, which leaves a woman single. The view of the society that children should be born to and raised by married women only violates women’s fundamental biological right for reproduction. In today’s technological era, producing a child by single women without having a male partner is no longer confined to dream, but has turned into reality. Similarly, to bear a child, women need not be in so-called fertile age group, for women above sixty have given birth to healthy children through ART (assisted reproduction technology). Nonetheless, even in some major cities of so-called developed countries, unmarried women are being refused access to assisted reproduction facilities; the medical professionals as well as orthodox social establishments are hesitant to allow the treatment. Some women have set example by undergoing through such assisted reproduction programmes to have a child, even by telling lies. In year 2001, a daring unmarried woman in Thailand raised a storm of debate in Thai society by giving birth to a pair of test-tube twins. When questioned on why she did it, the TV producer Prapai Yungyurn replied that she decided to reject marriage to avoid compromising with her carrier but did not see why she should not be allowed to have children. Many more single women like Yungyurn have possibilities to enter towards parenthood, through a procedure called IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization), or so-called test tube baby, in which one could have a baby without having physical relation. Those are undaunted and courageous women who are willing to face all the challenges by deciding to add a baby to their life when there is no partner at all to help. While married women may have the luxury of choosing any reproductive methods for conception with the full support and approval of the medical practitioners, society and law, women who have decided to go for motherhood in unmarried form face many challenges. So-called civil society is always good at commenting and asking you the questions about the origin of your pregnancy without a husband or even without a partner. No matter how strong you are, such remarks may drain you again emotionally. Though its entirely up to you to share or not, if you are open with people who care for you and whom you trust, that may help them understand your strong desire for a child. Gradually the society starts getting educated on the urge for every human to reproduce. Getting pregnant and being able to reproduce is always so beautiful, so spiritual, no matter through which means; it is full of hope and optimism of the continuation of life. We should continue to celebrate the joys of pregnancy, the birth of a child, the breastfeeding of a mother, the pleasures of childhood and the rewards of parenting, after all there is no other greater marital bliss, no bigger reward and no better joyous event than the birth of your child.